Thursday, January 20, 2011

Angry

Today I am angry.

My husband suggested I start researching things to do next week when he starts back to work. I'm not mad at him, but I am mad at the fact I even need to research things to do on a maternity leave... without a baby to care for.

All the things I had planned to do on my leave, (baby massage, baby dance, going for walks with the stroller, eventually baby swim class, etc), well, these things require a baby. I am so angry I can't do these things, and I am sad that I can't do them with Jack.

My husband reminds me, "not yet", as in, you can't do these things yet... and you'll never be able to do them with Jack, but one day you can... with the next baby.

He means well, and I know he has my best interests at heart. He doesn't want to see me sit at home all day, depressed or crying. I understand that, and it's not what I want either. I will be looking into things to do, to occupy my time. I'm just angry and sad that I have to. Because I have no baby.

3 comments:

LookItsJessica said...

I relate so much to this post. Jordan has been back to work for a few weeks and I hate the feeling of being at home with no pregnancy (not to mention no baby) and doing nothing. There was supposed to be "not a dull moment" in this time in our lives. But it is all dull, sad, depressed, crying moments...

I noticed you posted this 2 months ago. I hope you found some stuff to do on your maternity leave, though I'm sorry its not what you truly wanted to do on leave.

book fish said...

I can relate too. My H would like me to go back to work as soon as possible so that then he'd know am not sitting at home and crying (when he's away working in his office).

Jardine x said...

Laura Jane,
I have been quietly reading your blog and it is so well written and brings me some comfort to know that I am not alone in this horrible horrible journey as a mother without her baby.
thank you.
Congratulations on the arrival of baby Grace, it is great to know that there is hope. xx

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