Thursday, February 24, 2011

Momma's Boy

I had a thought today, which upset me.

What if I never get the chance to have another little boy? What if I only get girls from here on in? My husband and I joke constantly about how we'll likely have only girls from here on out, about how Scott will be tormented by all the boys who will come a'knocking on our front door to date them one day... But seriously, what if I don't get to have another boy?

When I was newly pregnant with Jack, we were convinced we would end up with a girl as I had severe morning sickness. We were very surprised to learn at 18 weeks a little boy would soon be joining our family. I spent the remaining months of my pregnancy preparing for a boy- buying gender appropriate clothing, cute little boy shoes and hats. I tried to keep all the big things (stroller, crib, dresser) gender neutral for our subsequent pregnancies... I have closets full of baby boy clothes, sweaters with "Daddies Best Friend", "Daddies Little Helper", and "I love mommy".

What if I never get to use those things, or hear a little boy tell me he loves me.. or have him grab for my hand when he's secretly scared of something... Taking him to hockey or soccer practice and needing to bandage up his knees...I know I don't get to do those things with Jack, and that is heartbreaking enough... But the idea of never getting to do those things with a boy? Devastating. I had only the tiniest glimpse of boy-mom life... it was wonderful.


B. Wilson said...

I've had the exact same thoughts. I reallly hope we have another boy. I would be okay with girls, but my husband and I joke that from here on out, we'll only have girls (as well!).

We also purchased gender-neutral things with intentions of saving the cash with subsequent children. The nursery, gray.

I sure hope there are boys in our future, Laura!

Molly said...

I worry about the same thing. I have a little girl, and originally thought I wanted her to have a little sister. Now, I will be crushed if I don't have another boy. Truly, I will be so happy as long as I have a live baby next time (if there is a next time--now i've started worrying about that too!), but it will break my heart to take Hayes' nusery apart. :(

LauraJane said...

My husband's family is full of boys- the girls are the ones highly coveted. Truth be told, I always wanted a little girl first... because I know what girls like, what to do with a girl. But when I found out we were having a boy, I became excited about that, and all the things which come along with boy. I excitedly anticipated this sweet boy for 5 months... I planned out a future with a boy...

little vitu's mom said...

I really like reading your posts and saw this one only today. I have such thoughts too. But sometimes I feel I will be glad to have just another baby - either boy or girl. But yes. I want a son badly because I lost one.

Darcey said...

This is also my fear when (hopefully soon) our next pregnancy happens...I am so scared to find our what we are having early because when the tech says "girl" I am deathly afraid I will be upset and disappointed

I do think it is natural to feel this way. My good friend lost her son at 5 months 4 years ago, and has gone on to have 2 girls. Initially she said it upset her when she found out, but the the reality of a healthy baby makes the disappointment fade very quickly!

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