Saturday, March 5, 2011

Maybe this is why?

My sister-in-law, Jenny, told me husband a story while we were at the NICU with Jack, which has given us goosebumps. She re-told the story to me when we met for lunch earlier this week, and I felt the need to post it here.

My nephew, Timothy, will be 5 years old in April. He was born after a couple of years of infertility, a couple of miscarriages, and a whole lot of hoping. He is loved and adored, though he's your typical pain-in-the-ass kid. While attempting to conceive Timothy a sibling, Jenny had to undergo several tests including ultrasounds. When she explained to Timothy where she would be going, and why, Timothy startled her by asking if an ultrasound is like an xray.

Jenny explained to Timothy the basic difference, to which she received a nodding head in reply. "I've had an xray. I had one when I was 15, right before I went to heaven", Timothy replied. Jenny chalked this up to general "make believe", until another time, when Timmy inquired as to how long you have to be in heaven before you're a baby again. "I waited a long time, for you and daddy to be ready for me", he told her another time. He remembers a dog, one who was with him when he was in his prior life. More than once, as he falls asleep, Timmy has reminded Jenny that she is his "favourite mom, my best one". As though he's had others, ones who weren't as nice... Not as loving.

I'm not really a believer of reincarnation, but these stories make me wonder... I do believe in souls, and heaven... I guess I don't know what I believe... Maybe it's a silly thing to hang my hat on, but when I came across this blog, and then this entry, it struck a chord with me. The author speaks to the loss of her daughter, and writes:

"She needed unconditional love. Something bad happened to her, maybe in a past life, and she needed to know that Brian and I loved her absolutely purely. She wanted love untainted by the scoldings, power struggles, and tears that come with being a human child. By leaving us so early, she was assured of our white hot love forever. It would heal her, so her soul could go on. But it would break me, and I would have to accept it."

It's a nice thought, even if it's not true. Since I don't think we'll have any answers until our time here on Earth is over, it gives me something to cling to. Maybe Jack needed us to love his perfect, new, baby-self. And once we did, ::poof::, that's it. That's all we get. He got what he wanted, and then it was over.


4 comments:

book fish said...

@Laura: From the part of the world I come from, most believe in past life and returning of the soul. The essence of this religion is that souls will keep returning to earth in various forms until they are liberated from the cycle of birth and death and attain nirvana. Its believed that death is not an end but a transition.
I was never very religious. Like you said, I don't know what to believe. When my son died, all in my family said his soul is gone away temporarily and will return to me again. Because an association of a mother and her baby cannot be that short. I want to believe that because it gives me some comfort. I have nothing else to hang on otherwise.

LauraJane said...

@ Book fish, I love the idea of the soul returning to Earch until they are liberated from birth and death. I also appreciate the understanding that the soul will return as an association of a mother and her baby cannot be that short. Such an amazing thought.:)

Dana said...

I love this too. It had brought me a lot of comfort. I was amazed at what your nephew said. After 3 losses and now trying again and having some difficulty, I said to Ted once that I wonder if the baby that we are supposed to raise just isn't ready to be here yet. If we got pregnant in the last few months, it might be the "wrong" baby.

I have a blog post I did awhile ago, called Spirit Babies (http://mybutterfliesandrainbows.blogspot.com/2011/01/spirit-babies.html) and it is a similar line of thought.

After Jacob died, a colleague and I were talking about reincarnation and it all made sense, and helped me heal a little.

doesithaveaname said...

New to reading your blog, I found it today - in fact, I've started at the beginning and am working my way forward. I've cried a few times and this post led me to want to speak up.

I generally and as a rule, say that I do not believe in reincarnation. But it's difficult to deny something like this, isn't it? It reminds me of a documentary I watched on TV once of this little boy who could remember his former life in great detail, and even missed it and the people inside of it. He missed his mom and his siblings from the former life. He knew where he lived and his family took him there. The place was exactly as he had always described it...but nobody who would be the family he seemed to remember so vividly. Very interesting.

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