Wednesday, April 13, 2011

And the beat goes on...

It's funny how life continues to happen, and time continues to pass while I hide in my grief.

I met a dear friend for dinner last night, we talked about all sorts of things but my eyes kept wandering to the 3 or 4 month old little guy in his mothers arms.  Rocking, bouncing, playing, nursing, whispers, and kissing.  I tried to hold back my tears (failing). 

Life goes on, the beat goes on.

Another friend, my best friend Shelley, she's getting married to the love of her life in October. I'm her Matron of Honour, and I am ecstatic for her. She totally deserves this and is truly one of the very best people I know. I remember those days, where the littlest detail are of the utmost importance (I LOVE LOVE LOVE small details). She's never been this happy.  Shelley is a great sport- I'd told her of my hopes and dreams to be busting at the steams of a maternity dress by the time her nuptials roll around. The best part? She wants that for me too. 

A friend of mine, an incredible guy I met while in university, won a Juno (a Canadian music award), beating out Drake. Being the amazingly humble man he is, he wasn't expecting it and was shocked to walk on stage to collect his award. Amazing. 

There's so much beauty in the world, so much happiness and so much hope. I hope to join that version soon, I think I need to start making some changes... I don't think Jack would want me to be sad. I just miss him so very much.

5 comments:

TanaLee Davis said...

It will get better. I am glad that you will be the matron of honor...you seem to be a nice friend, I think I would pick you too. :) As for your dreams of tomorrow...i'm learning that tomorrow will happen and I must not try and hurry it. Before you know it you will have that "dream". Proud of you mama for your continued patience.
~Felicia

Becky said...

You deserve to be filled with happiness.
I do agree that our little ones would not want us to be sad even though they know we miss them dearly.

B. Wilson said...

You are so much stronger than me! I could absolutely not have lunch with friends who have infants right now! No way, no how!

I hope that dress is nice and tight! :)

Shell said...

LauraJane,
You are right, Jack would want you to be happy. It does take time and I know just how you are feeling. Hang in there and hopefully happier times are ahead for all of us on the journey. Hugs, Shell

Dana said...

I always tell myself that Jacob wouldn't want me to be sad all the time too. It is much easier to tell yourself that than it is to make it happen though. Although it does help with the guilt when you have a "good" moment.

I have great difficulty concentrating when there is a baby around me who is about 6 months old. I can barely keep my eyes off the baby, as hard as I try to. I hope that goes away soon.

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