I can't believe it.
Three months ago today, at 6:32pm our Jack was born after 26 hours of labour following which we had an emergency C.
Scott was so bothered by the fact I was in such pain while labouring (I had to lie on my left side to keep J's heartbeat up, therefore causing the epidural to pool there. My right side was not numbed at all), he looked like he might throw up. I remember telling him at that time it would all be worth it once we had our little man in our hands.
And it was. Every last second.
It's hard for me to think the Laura and Scott of that moment had no idea that this would be the result. It is unbelievable to me to know that 3 months ago he wasn't born yet, and 3 months later he's been gone for nearly as long. A year ago we hadn't yet conceived him. He was still the proverbial twinkle in our eyes.
To think that we have lost him, and he isn't safely in my arms right now. To think I could miss someone I barely even knew this much. To know this kind of pain.
I have no idea what it's like to have a three month old. I wish I did. I hope that a year from now I do. But in this moment, the one right here, I know what it's is to have had and then have lost the most precious thing to me.
I hope monthly birthdays are huge celebrations in heaven.
13 hours ago