Monday, April 18, 2011

"You promise her a baby"- Grey's Anatomy

"That’s how you get a woman to tear her own body apart. You promise her a baby."
-Dr. Lucy Fields, Grey's Anatomy

I found myself bored on Friday, watching re-runs on Television.  I watched a repeat of a Grey's episode which aired earlier this spring.  The first time around, I was furious with Dr. Karev for calling a brain dead infant a "turnip" in the cabbage patch which is the NICU. I think the reason why this bothered me so much are pretty  obvious, I'm clearly sensitive to shit like that. And yes, I realize this is a t.v. show, and the intent of this interaction is to cause drama. And I'm also told and assured this is not, in fact, how donor babies are regarded (not that I need to be assured, I saw the respect our Neonatologist had for baby Jack in the few days we were there). 

Anyway, here's the clip for those who don't watch the show or are interested in seeing why I got all fired up:

So, despite common sense, I watched it again (natch, since I so enjoyed it the first time around). This time, I caught a scene I had apparently missed, between the OB who delivered the "turnip" and Karev.  She spoke about how as an OB, you promise the mother that if she just keeps pushing the reward for her effort, for her pain, is that she'll get to hold her baby, in "just another push". 

Here's THAT clip (scene over at 1:50):

I've never really thought about it from the perspective of the OBGYN, because frankly I'm too wrapped up in my own grief to worry about how a doctor might feel. But I'm sure it's a difficult thing, keeping the delicate balance between being hopeful for prospective parents as they go through the pregnancy and also knowing it can all go south very quickly... Knowing that it's not all glitter and rainbows.

I attended my appointment with the Gynecological Oncologist today, for a pap smear post-baby. He walked in, congratulating me on my baby boy (different hospital, obviously a different OB. The two hospitals don't "talk" so I was anticipating this). I accepted the congrats, because I did in fact have a baby, but then I was sure to tell him that we had lost him. My doctor expressed his condolences, and shook his head saying, "there's always that 1%, and you always hope it's not you...99% of the time, all is well and the baby is fine, but there's always that percent that can be wrong".  We briefly chatted about what went wrong, and about our plans to have another baby as soon as possible. 

As he was packing up his things after the examination he reminded me he'd be seeing me again in  6 months time (standard if tests are normal, which, fingers crossed, they will be). He then turned to look at me, formed an oval with his arms out in front of him, "and I expect you to be out to here by then" and gave me a smile. "Me too", I replied. Have I mentioned I *really* like this guy? :)

If you think about it, it's really crazy. To do it all again, and expect a different result (the very definition of insanity). And to WANT to do this, more than anything, as soon as possible.  Being pregnant is a ton of work. It can make you sick, it's exhausting. Your feet swell, your legs tire, your body stretches, contorts and changes to accommodate to make room for a baby. You tear your LIFE apart. But, that's how you get a woman to tear her body apart- you promise her a baby. 

Ps. I'm really happy to hear I'm not the only person who feels the phantom "movement"


Keleen said...

That episode got to me too...and then the latest one where Arizona kept asking if there was a fetal heartbeat...I started crying. There have been lots of sad baby things on there lately. It's everywhere, but I guess that's how it goes.

After Addison was born, my L&D nurse told me she had the best job in the world, except for when she didn't. That has really stuck with is the best job in the world...except for when there isn't a happy ending.

Molly said...

Your post made me cry (what's new tho? Haha)

TanaLee Davis said...

This is soo depressing. I'm glad the OBGYN stuck up for the baby ect. But goodness....the drama is really DRAMA for us BLM's.

Good for you on getting prepared. I pray that all works out so that you can get on the road to rainbow(s). Thank you for the update...take care

B. Wilson said...

Wow. For sure, LJ. Definitely the only way you're getting me to tear this body apart repeatedly... promise me a baby and I'd gladly trade it in. :)

Can't watch the clips. Not gonna happen. Can't cry any more today. Thanks for the synopsis.

Glad you loved that doctor and I'm glad that appt. is over! Good news, please!

Becky said...

Have never watched Grey's before, super sad clips though. I will definitely take being exhausted, sick, and all stretched out for a baby.
I like your dr. and praying in 6 months you will be prego. Hope the test results come back normal also.

little vitu's mom said...

I hope (and somehow believe) your doctor's words will come true and next time you see him you'll be carrying a baby.

My New Normal said...

That episode just aired here in the UK and it made me cry.

Wishing you good test results.

Mrs. Tate said...

Loved this post... I feel exactly how you do. I also feel the phantom movements... it's incredibly crazy, I thought... just Caris' reminder to me that she was here... just like Jack does for you.

sarah said...

Oh yes, I hope you are "out to there" as well by then.

I just spoke with my therapist about this very thing, about how insane it sometimes feels, to *need* to do something again so desperately, when the outcome the first time was so horrific. I can't really envision another situation where the same rules would apply, except maybe if one's spouse was killed, though I know there would be a much longer time period before I felt ready to "try again" in that circumstance...the need for another pregnancy and another baby was so primal and so strong when Otis died. It still confuses me.

About three months ago I stood in the shower and was convinced not only that I was feeling movement, but also that I was *seeing* movement.

Maybe I really am starting to lose my mind.


sarah said...

PS - I couldn't even watch the clips, because to think of my Otis being referred to as a turnip made my blood boil without even watching Karev say it.

New Year Mum said...

Must have been so hard to hear him congratulate you and him not know what had happened to your little one... I really wish there was some way of having universal medical records. Lovely that you're starting to feel ready to consider another pregnancy and that you have his support. Thinking of you every step of the way xoxo

Dana said...

I usually watch Grey's, but have missed it for a few weeks. I like was Lucy said in the clip.

The doctor who did your pap smear sounds nice. I live it when they say that they expect you to be pregnant next time they see you. Every little bit of hope helps.

I have also thought that maybe I am crazy to want to do it again. I was very nauseous with Jacob for almost 2 months, had heartburn, certain smells drove me nuts. And what if another baby dies. Can I possibly live through it again? Some days I really don't think that I would be able to. But we are still trying, still willing to take that risk.

I still feel phantom movement...almost 11 months after having Jacob.

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