Monday, May 2, 2011

Letters from the Past

On May 1, 2010 I sent myself an e-mail.  I remember doing it, but couldn't remember when I did, or what I had said... I used an e-mail service called which I came across a year ago, and obviously decided to try out.

Wanna know what I wrote? Here it is:

Dear FutureMe, 

I'm writing this on May 1, 2010. I found this link on a blog I was reading, and thought I'd give it a try. Any luck with the baby-making? We just finished our first month of "trying", that's ridiculous, right?

One single, solitary month of trying for a McBaby, and I think I've peed on any test which has come in my path- whether it's the opks or the pg test, doesn't matter. Excited though- maybe by the time you're reading this we'll be closer? Heck, we might even have one by now!

Any closer to moving to the country? We definitely need to do that- soon! :)


Past Laura

Wow, if only Past Laura, of May 1, 2010 knew what the next year would have in store for her... She (of that time), and I (of this one), are so similar yet so different. We still pee on anything we can. We're still waiting for a baby (though different ones). We also (still) want to move to the country- which we have not done... We still have so much hope for our future.

I kinda like the idea of this, since I have very much forgotten what I had written a year ago. Such a short time in the grand scheme of things, but a long time as well. A lifetime (Jack's).

So, I've sent one to Future Laura, Laura of May 1, 2012. Here's what I wrote:

Today marks 4 months since you gave birth to the most gorgeous little boy you have ever seen. You fell hook, line & sinker for that little boy. Unfortunately Laura, we lost him. Just a year ago you were so hoping for a baby, and you got him... But he's gone now, and you're hoping for another. 

I hope May 1, 2012 finds you with a new sweet baby in your arms. Whether it's a little boy, or a little girl, I very much hope they have arrived, are healthy, and you are soaking up every minute of sweet love with this one.

If no baby has arrived yet, I send you nothing but love. Well, love and hope. 

I hope you and Scott are very happy with your son/daughter, even though you know you'll miss your little man Jack everyday for the rest of your life.

Past Laura

What would you say if you were to e-mail your future self? Will you do it?


lissasue3 said...

It makes me sad to see the differences in the letters because what has happened to us has changed us. We're more mature, somber, real. I miss my old self, how about you?

I honestly can't even think a year from now. I'm still taking one week at a time. But I hope I am in a better place emotionally.

Molly said...

Seriously, I have no clue. I can't process a year from now. Too scary to think about if there isn't a baby. Man, I just wish I could e-mail my past self and clue her in. If only.

little vitu's mom said...

I have been thinking about future a lot. I too, like all of us would like to hold my own baby, alive and healthy. And what would be my thoughts about the son whom I'm lost. Any nice dreams about future just stop at thoughts about my son. He will be always missed - everyday. I cannot believe I'm now one of those people who have a permanent scar. Its just unbearable.

LookItsJessica said...

I'm with Molly-- I want a "Dear Past Me" email.

I hope your Future Me email next year finds you with another sweet baby boy or girl :)

Becky said...

okay that made me cry. I think about the future all the time and although in a year the future me hopes to have another little one(living) in my arms, it'll be hard knowing that Liam will have been gone for more than a year.
I really hope next year at this time you and Scott will have Jack's little brother/sister in your arms, thinking of you

Sherri said...

I hope a year from now, I'll be busy with an infant! Sending rainbow wishes your way as well!

Keleen said...

I started a journal for our future baby before getting pregnant with Addison. It makes me sad to read all the hopes we had for this year knowing they cannot be. On that same note it makes me happy that I documented that time pre Addi, post Addi and EVERYTHING in between. It was the saddest outcome, but the most amazing journey and if I have to take the bad to have had the good then I'll take it! Hoping our future selves have siblings for our first children this time next year :)

B. Wilson said...

Oh man. Now I have to go write one of these. It's kind of eerie reading this... just because it's such a somber moment to receive that email from the past when you knew no better.

My only experience with this is writing a letter to my husband the day before our wedding. We wrote one as advice from our pre-marital counselor and he recommended we write a note to one another for our 1st anniversary. We did and it was wonderful. This situation, notsomuch.

Maybe next year you'll be reading the email with a little McBabe in your arms?! I sure as hell hope so!!!

Caroline said...

I like this idea, thanks for sharing. It freaks me out a little, but I guess that's the part of me that is freaked out by, well ya know - life in general at times.

Your note is very sweet and I sure hope you are reading it with a bundle of joy in your arms or in your tummy :)

Melissa said...

I was just reflected on that same idea today as I recalled last Mother's day (before we lost Mikayla). I never in a million years imagined that THIS would be my reality! Thanks for sharing!

Brooke said...

This makes me think about the time warp of grief--a year ago I didn't know I was pregnant yet (though I was hopeful). A year from now? Who knows? I used to be able to look forward and see my whole life laid out, clear as day, just as we'd planned. I can't look a year ahead anymore. Still doing the day by day, week by week thing. I hope next May finds all of us in a very different and much happier place, even though our first babies will never lose their places in our hearts.

New Year Mum said...

Wow... I've never thought of this idea before and don't know what I would say to my future self :( My heart goes out to you reading your words from a year ago... how quickly our dreams change :( Love to you always xoxo

Darcey said...

I think this is a wonderful idea...I have no doubt that next year you will be in a much better place, but missing the fact that you had to spend another a year without your little man. Sending Rainbow wishes your way...hopefully this month will be the one for both of us!!!!

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