Sunday, June 19, 2011

Father's Day

Today is a bitter-sweet day for me.

It's father's day, and I'm blessed to have one of the best dads in the universe.

Truly, this man has done (and would continue to do) everything for me, and the rest of his kids (there are four of us).
I'm pretty sure I get my smile from him. Possibly my mustache. hahaha
He's been there throughout all my life- sharing in my happiest of happy (honour roll, university graduation, buying our house, getting married, and when Baby Jack joined our family), and through all of the bad (break-ups, the loss of family members, my cancer diagnosis, the loss of Baby J). 

I know this particular loss of Jack has been difficult for him. He's protected me all of my life and mended my broken heart time and time again. But this is one thing he couldn't fix, and he couldn't make right. I know it breaks his heart that his grandson has died, and his daughter is shattered as a result.

On the more difficult side, it's father's day for one of the best daddies I've ever seen first hand. Thanks to this little boy:

this man:

grew into being an amazing father in mere minutes. Within hours of Jack's arrival, Scott became a self-taught master of swaddling, a soother of a fussy baby, a cuddle monster (alright, he already was), and was already wrapped around Jacks (long) little fingers.

I just wish the rest of the world could see him for what he is- an amazing daddy with so much love to give. I wish the universe would recognize this and send him another baby (or six) to care for.

I've never really mentioned this, but on the day Jack got sick and was admitted to our local hospital, I wasn't able to breast feed him. He wouldn't take my nipples, and I resorted to pumping like a fiend to give him the nourishment he needed. I had asked the nurses at least 10 times for a breast pump so I could give Jack the milk he needed to keep him strong. The nurses ignored my requests. I wish I could say it was because they were trying to stabilize Jack or something important like that. But no, they were assholes. They kept forgetting. Seriously, I envision this nurse's face and I feel fiery rage. This is the same nurse I somewhat blame for Jack's stroke- I'm fairly certain she didn't come to check on him as she was supposed to. We both blame her for why Jack didn't make it, but there's F all we can do to change it now....

When they finally came back with the pump, they gave me a cup to pour the milk into his mouth rather than a nipple... WTF? A nipple was all he had known, so I wasn't really sure how to do it. They wouldn't show me. I tried my best, but Jack kept turning his head away, also probably thinking, "WTF, people?" 

My husband, sensing my frustration at not being listened to, repeated we needed a nipple to feed Jack. He too was ignored. He finally, in his most stern voice, told the nurses that should we not have a nipple within 2 minutes, all hell would break loose. Not 30 seconds later we had that freakin' nipple.

Jack was so hungry he downed the entire lot of breast milk I had within a few minutes. Poor little guy.

I'm so proud of Scott for standing up for his baby's needs. I thought the nurses knew better. They did not. WE did. Scott made sure his son was fed and content (even though he was sick), when no one else would listen to me.

Anyway, he was an amazing dad while Jack was here, and remains so even though he's gone. I love that he is my baby daddy, and I can't wait for Jack to have brothers and sisters for Scott to parent.  He is the most amazing person I know.

I know we'll get through this, just as we have everything else in our lives. And I know one day we will look back at all of these things and know it was the hardest part of our lives, but it will get easier. One day these arms will be loaded full of babies, and our hearts bursting with love for them. And while our lives may never be "complete" ever again, I know there are good times ahead for us.

Happy father's day to all the amazing daddies out there.  Whether your baby is here in the flesh, or only in the heart and your memories, I'm hoping today you remember that you were important in the life of a child.


LookItsJessica said...

I love that story, Scott sounds like a great dad :)

Nicole Gilbert said...

Lovely photos as always! Your very lucky to have such wonderful, loving, supportive men in your life that would do anything for their babies :)

Becky said...

Thanks for sharing all those photos! Your husband sounds like such an amazing man and father, just like your dad is to you.

Kelly said...

Love the pictures and love the story of your hubby. Happy Father's Day to him. I hope he is finding some peace today. <3

TanaLee Davis said...

Awe...Those pictures are sweet and that story of the hospital would make me mad too. Thinking of you..

crystal said...

So sweet!!! Praying for you and your family!!!

Shell said...

Thanks for sharing about your Scott. He is an amazing Dad and sounds like you have a good Dad too. Hugs and thinking of you both.

Brooke said...

You were such a beautiful bride, and I am glad you have such a wonderful father and husband supporting you.

Tiffany said...

Go Scott! Happy Fathers to you! I'm sure little Jack is smiling down on you and sending you lots of love.

Tiffany said...

Hi, I was just at the post office and tried to mail your cookbook. I didn't know that I couldn't due to a strike or something- I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. The post office told me to wait until it was over... Do you want to let me know when I can send stuff your way again and I will get it in the mail ASAP! (and hopefully we don't have some sort of strike by then!) Thanks!

Sherri said...

It's great that Scott had the opportunity to stand up for what Jack needed! He's an awesome Father!
Your wedding pictures are amazing... I love father/daughter pictures!

Andrea said...

Such a beautiful post and I LOVE seeing the photos. You are beautiful in your wedding day photos and I love seeing the photo of your sweet Jack. Scott like an amazing dad. Thinking of you.

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