I don't want to make any plans for the summer, not when they can't include him. Which of course they can't. How am I supposed to function without him when all I want IS him?
I'm not really fun anymore. And I hate being a burden to people, knowing I could/will cry at any point without warning.
I don't find joy in the things I used to, and am not really looking to anything other than our NYC trip at the beginning of August, and getting knocked up again.
One of my friends just announced she's pregnant. I'm happy for her, but I'm actually really sad for me. She conceived when we lost Jack (she told me this exact thing- that she conceived the night we lost him). Now this is all I'm going to think when I see her new baby. It bothers me that she can so freely think she'll be bringing home that baby in another few months (and chances are she will, and I truly hope she does). I would give anything to have that sense of naivety- to think this only ever happens to other people.
It's getting hard to believe I will ever claw my way out of this pit. I'm just so sad not to have him.
And I can never have him, so how can it ever get easier?
This is all just so unnatural. We're supposed to be doing so many things, and instead we can't do any of them. I don't like it one bit.
21 hours ago