Wednesday, June 8, 2011

New Photos = New Memories

I was having (another) really bad day today.

So sad that I decided to watch the few videos we have of Jack. I've tried to stop watching these since they really do make me sob. In the beginning it was the only thing which could calm me, but I don't think I've looked at them for about a month or so.

I was trying to figure out how to upload them from my camera, since I'm super neurotic and worried someone will come into my house, steal my (hidden) camera and take the only video we have of our son. I also worry, however, that as I attempt to upload the videos I may somehow end up accidentally deleting them. I'm sure you can see my dilemma here. ;)

So, I tired to upload, but all the camera would do was upload the photos, which I've already done (it's a Sony Handycam, so it has both photos and video). At least, I thought I had all the photos, but when the screen loaded up in iPhotos, I saw some new ones I've never seen before!

Excitement washed over me, because these are new photos of my little man I've never seen before (or at least can't remember having seen before!). New memories.


I feel like I was shown these photos now, for a reason. Because the 5 months since we lost him date is looming over our heads and I am a wreck lately (and possibly because of the Provera? Dunno...). I like to think he knew I needed these.

Here is my little hunk:

Another variation of my favourite photo.  All dolled-up before we headed out to the car.
And yet another. This is him on our couch upstairs, waiting to go in the car to visit his doctor.
This is the day before he was admitted to the hospital, when all was still well in our world.
Chillin' with daddy while mom showered, I came out of the shower to find this.  Love my two hunks. Scott originally wanted me to delete this as he looks chubby (and isn't) but I told him it was one of the only photos of had of him and Jack... Obviously I didn't realize at the time it would be one of our only opportunities to take photos with Jac. So glad we kept it. 
Wondering why Jack's face is covered (and don't worry, he's turned to the side so he can breathe)? He hated light from the very beginning- a VERY common thing in babies with Meningitis- light sensitivity. I had even asked the doctor at his appointment earlier in the day and told it was normal. Looking at these photos I see the purple around his eyes like I mentioned a couple days ago. He was seen this same day by his doctor, and she never mentioned it...  Coupled with the light sensitivity, these things will haunt me until the day I die..

He was wrinkly, just like his daddy.
Starting to get fussy, right before a big ol' diaper change.
So no, I haven't figure out how to upload the videos (yet), but I did find more of Jack to love.


Kelly said...

Love these! These last pictures are a blessing and eerie at the same time. I don't know about you, but I look at them and think about the date and what was coming. One of my favorite pictures of Adam was from 1-6-11, 5 days before he passed. I hate that these are my thoughts when I see them. Anyway, hugs always. Love that you found new pictures!

Anonymous said...

Such a handsome little man. What a stunner!

Shortly after my son died, my cousin showed me pictures from her phone of him. If felt like the biggest gift!

B. Wilson said...

So totally love this! Since I had a hell of a day, as you know AGAIN, I'm glad you had a better surprise.

Yay, friend! That kid is so freaking cuteeeee!

JoyAndSorrow said...

So glad you found these precious photo memories.

Glo said...

I had something similar happen. A photo captured on DH's phone, the first picture taken.

Sending some much needed ((hugs))

Anonymous said...

These pictures are precious. What a handsome little guy.
I totally understand the neurotic feelings. I've taken all the pictures I have of my Madaline and saved them to a CD, the computer, and a SD card which I keep locked in a fireproof box...and I still worry that I'll somehow lose them all.

LookItsJessica said...

He is so adorable. I love the bear hat!

Caroline said...

Thank you for sharing him with us! I once had this happen where I found some pictures on a camera while I was pregnant and I had forgotten about them and felt like they were some new ones to enjoy. I also found a video I took of Cale moving in my belly so while it made me so sad, it also was enjoyable and was so nice to see him alive and well.

Angie said...

New photos?! Lucky girl! Little Jack is such a cutie. I totally understand your irrational fear of accidentally deleting Jack's pictures and videos. I am the same way with Aiden's pictures. I have them saved on a cd, both my personal and work laptops and I put them on Shutterfly. You can never be too safe! xo

Becky said...

So glad you came across these pictures :)
Such a handsome little man!

And your not neurotic. I have copies of Liam's pictures everywhere because I am so afraid of a house fire and they all burn up, I also have a flash drive full, my iPhone full, and pics all over my blog. If something happens a copy of my babies pictures has bound to still be okay.

Nicole Gilbert said...

The pictures of him are just precious!

Maria said...

OH Well I believe that our angel babies send us signs to let us know that they are here with us. They always seem to send them right when we're feeling the lowest of low.

Well done Jack!


Shaina Gadow said...

He is gorgeous! I am so glad that you found more photos, more memories.

Natalie Ross said...

So glad you found some more precious photo's of your precious Jack. Thanks for sharing!

little vitu's mom said...

Thanks for sharing. Jack is a beautiful baby

Tiffany said...

My heart started pounding when I read that you found new pictures. I don't think there is ANYTHING that can top that right now in my life. Shortly after Ellie died, my mom brought her camera over so we could take all of her pictures of Ellie off of it. It was like Christmas. I couldn't quit smiling. I am so glad you got that little surprise. He is sure handsome. And he looks so cuddly!

B. Wilson said...

You know, I hate thinking that some of those pictures are so similar and if the bean was alive, you'd probably go through and delete "like" photos.

God knows we won't be deleting a single one for Wilson and McBabe #2's. :/

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