Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Pregnant Yet?

Asks my husband, to me. Please note it is CD13. Prior to Clomid, in the olden days when I ovulated regularly, I was more of a CD20-ish kinda person anyway.

ha

I haven't even ovulated yet (though Dr. Google tells me soooooooooooon). Poor guy (my hubby, not Dr. Google). I think we're both tired of this sex-on-demand thing. It really does suck the excitement out of doing it for fun.  ;)

As per Dr's orders, we shall be doing every other day for the next while. I'm tired just thinking about it.

I've been thinking a lot about what we'll do "next time" we're pregnant and expecting a baby (<-- see, expecting a baby, how optimistic, right?). I can't help but think I want need to have a different experience than I did with Jack. While I loved having our friends and family visit with us at the hospital, and it was amazing to share our little boy with them, I don't think I have it within me to share the next time with them. Does that make sense?

It's not that our next baby won't be a celebration in and of him/herself. It actually has a lot less to do with not wanting to celebrate them, and a lot more to do with me wanting to protect them.

But I feel bad, because it's not my parent's fault nor Scott's parent's fault anymore than it's my fault Jack got sick and died. It's much more to do with me feeling the need to change things up as not to repeat the same outcome. Does a new hospital (though this means leaving behind my OB, whom I adore...) + planned vs emergency c-section + fewer gestational weeks (37-ish rather than 39), no visitors= a live baby?

I hope so.

::sigh::

I don't really know why I think about these things, they're so off from where I am right now (at least 8 months). I guess because I'm being optimistic? Maybe because I need something to take my mind off of the fact I'm waiting to ovulate? Or and most likely, because I'm crazy. Perhaps all of the above.

In other news, I have an iPhone now. I'm fancy. HUGE improvement over my old red Samsung flip phone.

Don't be jealous
It's especially excellent as I am terrible with directions and I think the phone's going to come in super handy to help me get myself where I need to go.  Additionally, I needed it for it's Ipod function as my husband left his car doors unlocked a few weeks ago and mine was stolen.

So... I'm clearly light years behind, but anyone have any favourite apps you want to tell me about?

Also, any one use Fertility Friend to track your cycle? I've been doing it for the last couple of months (pointless, since I'm anovulatory without Clomid), but yes. Interesting. I like that I can store all my disgusting facts and symptoms/signs there. Also, there's an app for that. Who doesn't need to know about cervical mucus at the touch of a finger? <- that wasn't supposed to be what it read like, haha.

17 comments:

B. Wilson said...

You're gross. ;)

LauraJane said...

It was the last part, right? ahha

LookItsJessica said...

Dude I use FF and it's so addictive. There are so many gross and weird things to add to your chart!

I'm with you on the no visitors thing. I am hoping for just Jordan and I for at least a day and then ONLY our parents and ONLY after they have been diligent about hand washing.

Congrats on the iphone! Did you download the FF app?

Angie said...

Oh my goodness, girl you are not alone and you are not crazy! I was just explaining to my mom the reason I want a doula is because the more people I have on 'my team' during this pregnancy and delivery, the more likely this baby will actually live. Even though I'm considered very high risk this time around, have monthly ultrasounds, see both my OB and a perinatologist and will be seen twice a week beginning at week 30, I'm still terrified! And I know I'm going to be terrified about losing this kid until he's 50!

Insanity and irrational fear just comes with the territory after losing a baby. Now go get busy with your man!!! xo

Glo said...

LOL I am a ff'er too.

Jen said...

TTC after a round of Clomid does have a way of sucking the romance right out of things, but oh well. Whatever works, right? I also used FF and found it quite useful. Best wishes & best of luck-hope you get that BFP you are hoping for. :)

Dana said...

We are tired of the sex-on-demand thing too. It seems to be the way it is right now. I've had my cycle monitoring and I should be ovulating anyday, we we've been given instructions on when to do it. I can't even remember what it was like before we were TTC.

I think it makes total sense that you want things to be different this time around when your next baby is born. Just play it by ear and see how you feel when the time comes. I have the same thoughts. I even know that I won't tell Ted that I'm pregnant again in the same way. In the past, I tested in the morning when he was still in bed and went in to tell him I got a positive. Not this time. Those babies died and I know the way I told Ted about the BFP didn't cause it (it seems ridiculous to even write that), I'm just not doing it the same way again anyway.

I tried Fertility Friend, but gave up. Even when I know I ovulated because I got pregnant, it said it couldn't tell me if I was or not. But I have a friend who loves it. that's funny that there is an all for that. Keeping my fingers crossed for you this cycle.

lissasue3 said...

I used fertility friend for this babe and Charlotte, it was awesome. When I got pregnant for both those kids we had sex every other day, no need to stress yourself out even more!

I totally understand thinking ahead and wanting to do everything differently. And if it makes you comfortable then plan to do that and make people respect that. I'm doing things differently this time around too. There are some things I have no control of that I wish were different but aren't. I'm learning to live with those (i.e. anterior placenta where it's more difficult to feel movement.)

I wouldn't worry about baby not being "celebrated". Baby won't know the difference because all s/he'll need is you and your husband. :)

Caroline said...

Good to know that my husband and I aren't the only ones who haven't yet stepped into the 21st century. People kept telling me how they wanted updates when we went to the hospital for the induction - like I was supposed to be on facebook throughout labor or something. But alas, no internet/data plan on our phones. Maybe one day.

As for doing things differently, I think that's normal to want to feel that if you change something, anything, you'll have a different outcome. I didn't want to bring the same bag I had packed my hospital stuff in with Cale - like the bag itself was jinxed. I was induced on a Monday which was the same day Cale was born, so even that weekend prior I wanted to make sure I did things a little differently.

Here's wishing you fertile days ahead!!

Keleen said...

I actually went backwards with my phone...I had the droid and and now I have someone's old lg envy...it's ghetto, but so much cheaper! Maybe I need to go back to a phone with internet to help get pregnant...ok maybe I just want the internet back!

I am so torn with how the whole hospital scene will play out...if we even get to the hospital part, it seems SO far away! On one hand I feel like my family and friends were so jipped with our first experience that I would love to have that time with them and baby no. 2, but on the other hand now that I read all these blogs and know so much more than I ever did before I barely want the doctor in there with us (ok not really but you know). I am very seriously considering the whole lock oursleves in the house for a minimun of 3 months...it may be crazy, but it's nice to know we can all be crazy together :)

Kelly said...

I too used Fertility Friend for both kiddos. I loved it. I'm a have to know kind of person, so I loved that I could be obsessive and stare at my chart, as if it would change in 5 minutes. :) And P.S. Sex is indeed exhausting and sooooo romantic and fun when baby making, haha.

I too find myself wanting to change things for if we have another baby. Already looking into another doctor and new hospital. Won't make a big deal of a new baby on facebook. And it's totally to protect future baby and myself.

Becky said...

My husband and I have already been at it every other day for the past week also. My doctor says I probably won't ovulate until at least this weekend but I am so afraid of missing the window.

If your crazy then so am I because I have already told all my friends that no one is allowed near my next baby for at least a week, maybe even a month. Probably should just concentrate on getting pregnant before discussing visitation after delivery. I also want to change everything with this pregnancy. Changes=good outcome right?

Never used a fertility tracker app, maybe I'll check it out. When you are pregnant the BabyBump app is awesome. That's what I used and loved it.

Shell said...

Hope you have success this cycle!

I love my iphone but the one I have is so slow...hopefully a new one is on the horizon. My hubs and I go back and forth on switching from AT&T to Verizon. I really like the Shazam app b/c when I am in my car I'll hear random songs that I can then use the app to get the name/band. I've got to check out FF. When I was preggers with Leia I love the WTE app too.

Tiffany said...

I don't think you are crazy at all... with our next baby there will be a different plan of attack. I will be the psycho mother who assaults everyone with hand sanitizer before they get anywhere near my child. I know what happened to Ellie was a fluke (what the hell does that even mean?!) but I don't care. These "flukes" happened to us. And over my dead-body will it happen again. Good for you for standing up and saying that it's going to be your way.

little vitu's mom said...

I got an iPad 2 few days ago. Since we don't go out and meet friends, families these days but just stay home during weekends, wanted something to keep us occupied.

Inspired by your post, I just downloaded FF.

But have some questions how it's going to work. Will perhaps post them and look for answers from blms using it.

Monique said...

Wishing you much luck this cycle. xo

Emily said...

LOL:) I just read your comment on http://windywilsons.blogspot.com/ about slitting both your cats' throats if it meant getting your baby back. I laughed out loud. I have a cat who I really do love...but yeah, doesn't compare to my dead kid and my currently gestating but possibly very compromised baby. So yeah, love you kitty...but if it meant you or them...well you know how it'd go.
Good luck this cycle!!!

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