I was chatting with a friend about babies and hopes and dreams for a future which I hope/KNOW will include more.
It has to get better. It just has to. This can't be it for us, right?
And we spoke about those few sweet days when we had baby Jack home with us. We experienced the all too typical first few nights in which we had constant slumber parties and none of us slept. We had busied ourselves with swaddling, and stinky bums, and washing with sweet smelling Burt's Bees. We lived a very "normal" new parent life. But only for a few days.
The enormity of the possibilities which lay ahead of us at that time, when all was well in our world, is tremendous. We could have been an amazing family together. We would have been. I just know it.
A few other BLMs have written about their memberships in the momma clubs having been revoked when their lost their sweet babes. I feel the same way. I feel like someone came to my door, I showed them my card to prove I belonged here. But the card was repossessed, like I failed my first tests somehow.
I had happiness. Such amazing love for a little bald boy. So very much I couldn't wait to do with him. So many things I wanted FOR him. I was truly, truly happy, knowing this was the very reason I was put here on Earth. To be a wife. To be a mother. And then all of a sudden, I was sent back to try all over again.
I had such amazing joy in my life. And then it was revoked.
All the happiness in my world, sucked out in one swift sentence... "He has no brain activity".
21 hours ago