Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Things I am looking forward to.

This six month business is no joke.

I feel like I've fallen into a spiral of sadness over these last few weeks. I don't know whether to attribute the severity of my current cycle of grief to "where I am", to the fact our first round of Clomid didn't work, my period, or even to the fact I'm not yet pregnant. The concept of not "trying" until six months was so beyond my comprehension, I think I'm in a little bit of shock to think we're still waiting to "catch a rainbow". I think, probably a little of each has led me to why I'm so sad right now. I just miss my boy.

My poor husband inquired last night as to why we're not yet pregnant. Why it was so easy our first time around, and when, oh when would things start looking up? What do I tell him?

He misses Jack. Told me tonight.  It's not like I don't know he misses him, but hearing him say the words breaks me a little more each time. Don't know about any of you, but man-grief is so hard to deal with. Not that any of this is easy, but seeing a heartbroken man crushes me...

Anyway, this was supposed to be an uplifting post. We are on day three of our 2nd round of Clomid, and I want to try to maintain a positive outlook as we approach ovulation... So start crossing toes and fingers for us, please and thank you. :)

Things I'm looking forward to:

  • July 25th will be our two year wedding anniversary

  • July 28th we will be going to see this very funny bitch an hour or so outside of Toronto. How typical is it he's performing in Toronto when we're out of town?
Daniel Tosh, Tosh.0 on Comedy Central
  • Fly out of the Toronto City Airport July 29th from here:

  • to here:

  • We'll sleep here:

This was my "must have" for the stay
  • And be seeing both of these activities in our short stay:

'n' hers.

  • A load of shopping. My husband has made me promise to spend money on clothes while I'm there (which sounds super flakey, but last time we were there in April 2010, I bought next to nothing, which is shameful if you've ever been to NYC). Of course I have my eye on something which isn't clothing at all, but I'll wait and see if I bite the bullet before I write about it...
  • I'm also hoping (very hard) that I see this gorgeous momma while we're there...
So, that's what I have planned and what I'm currently looking forward to. We also have to make the most of our 2nd round of Clomid, so that should keep me somewhat occupied until it's time for take off.

What about you? Any plans for the summer? Anyone taking a distraction trip like we are? Any suggestions on where to eat in NYC?


JoyAndSorrow said...

Approaching six months sucks. I probably say that about every month, but seriously. I hit a way low point around that time, then things started lifting again (although now at 7 months they are dipping again, I must admit!). Sounds like you will have some awesome distractions though! xo

Molly said...

;) yay for distraction trips! And you WILL be seeing me!!!

LookItsJessica said...

OK first of all, those pictures are so beautiful!!

Also, I'm right there with you in the sadness spiral. I got a BFN this week and I'm so frustrated that it's not easy-as-hell like I thought it would be.

On a happier note, I'm so excited that you guys are going on an NYC trip! You guys deserve to have some fun and you're gonna have a blast at the Yankee's game and RENT!

I will be sending you lots of good BFP vibes for your second round of Clomid, of course. :)

Anonymous said...

We just hit 9 months since Xavier died. All these milestones, ones they should have hit while alive and ones from dead baby land...they are hard and sad.

As I navigate through my grief, I find it easier to see through the haze the further out of the storm I get...and I am hopeful, ever the optimist, I am hopeful for a rainbow...hopeful for a peaceful heart.

Have a wonderful trip.

I would love to discuss your clomid round though...I suspect I might need it.

Addi's mom said...

6 months was an extreme low point for me so I really feel for you. I'm sorry round one of clomid was a big time.

And that man-grief you speak of is the only thing that is harder than my own personal grief and yet if he didn't grieve I would be upset with him...lose lose I guess :(

Our distraction trip in April was really great for us so I hope yours is as well. I love your "his" and "hers" activites and I am super jealous that you are going to Rent! I hope you guys get the rest and relaxtion that you so deserve along with some baby making!

Becky said...

I just started day 1 of clomid again also. Hopefully, crossing my fingers, this will be the month for both of us.

I have always wanted to go to NYC. Have a great time!

makeup artists in Sydney said...

Hey becky don't worrie, every thing will be ok.

Nicole Gilbert said...

It sounds like getting away is going to be fun and it's a nice distraction! Thinking of you and REALLY hoping this second round of clomid does the trick.

Kelly said...

6 months is so hard for me too. I hate it. Man-grief is way hard. I'm super excited for you that you're making a trip. Good to have distractions and things to look forward to. I'm crossing everything for you for this cycle!

lissasue3 said...

Great pictures! I hope you have a fabulous trip and great weather for it.

Dana said...

Six months was really hard for me. Just knowing he had been gone that long seemed completely impossible.

When Jacob was born, my OB said to wait one regular cycle, but I swear that someone else...a nurse maybe....said to wait 3 months. It seemed that an eternity and I couldn't picture waiting that long. We didn't...we waited the 6 weeks, got pregnant and had a miscarriage. Got pregnant again, had another miscarriage. It has been 13 months now and I am finally pregnant again (have been trying since last miscarriage in November too). Anyway, the waiting is torturous, but somehow I got used to it. I was still disappointed beyond words every month, but I'd already lived through worse.

I hope that this cycle is the cycle.

I always knew that my husband missed Jacob too, but when he said it out heart just broke. Like you said, there is something about man-grief.

I hope you have a great time in NY. I was there a year ago and it was so nice. We really needed to get away and it was a great place to go.

We're just going to the cottage the last week of July. Looking forward to it as I haven't been there for more than a weekend in years.

Caroline said...

So Jealous you will see Daniel Tosh. I borderline hyperventilate when watching Tosh.0

Have a wonderful trip. Hope it's happy :)

little vitu's mom said...

I wish you have a nice vacation and then a goos news to share with us.

Shell said...

Lovely pictures from your wedding. I hope you have a good time in the big apple and get some good shopping in too. Have a good weekend.

Brooke said...

No wonder Jack's pictures are so stinkin' cute. You are adorable.

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