A month ago I had written on Facebook about how it much we missed our sweet boy at 6 months old. It was 7 months ago today Jack was declared. It's so hard to believe it... I don't think I will ever believe it, really.
I post a little status update on anniversaries, and when I find a particularly meaningful quote. I've already cleansed about 1/2 my "friends" from my list since I don't want to become the person people look-up to see if their life is still a mess. blech. I actually have my Facebook profile locked, so no one can comment on my page. I don't think I could handle people commenting, and I especially couldn't handle it if they didn't comment, either. You can't really win with me, it seems.
People tend to send me private messages on there because I can still receive those. I prefer it this way, kinda like how they have to actually think about messaging me, rather than just blurting things out mindlessly on my wall. I think some of the less-tech "savvy" people think I can't receive messages, so sometimes I get emails instead
My sister sent me a message back on July 1st, letting me know she had received an email from my cousin in London England. She forwarded me the email once I got home, not wanting me to get it while I was at work... Good thing too.
I just wanted to say every time I see you hurting like this; my heart breaks a little more for you both.
There really are no words that anyone can say that will ever make any difference to how you feel. I wish I could help you a little, I do know only a tiny bit how you feel. Only my mum and my partner knew, but I lost a child at about 12 weeks, very early on, so I never got to know her or bond with her the way you had with Jack. I feel you are such an amazing woman and Jack is with you all the time, he was and is indeed one of the most very special angels ever. You will have a family one day very soon and Jack will always look over you all.
I wanted to tell you about a psychic I saw in February this year and she told me I had a little girl called Charlie with me and that she was always with me happy and playing. I didn’t tell anyone that I wanted Charlotte as a little girl’s name. She also told me that our Nan is looking over us and the children.
She asked me who Jack was, I froze and said nothing to her, she told me he was new to their world and that he was an exceptional child and even though he had passed recently, had the love and confidence of a great soul. He apparently ran in, giggled and ran out again.
This lady knew things, lots of things that were true and it has made me feel a little easier, knowing they are with us, even if it is in spirit only. I really hope that this message does not upset you; this is absolutely not my intention. Sending lots of love and big hugs everyday.
I read that and was in tears. My little 7lb baby, a little boy? A great soul? A chaotic, funny little guy? And he's happy? And comfortable, and he's okay? He sounds like trouble already (and, if anything like his father, would have been exactly that had he grown here on Earth). I'll take it. I think, more than anything, I worry that he suffered here on Earth. I know logically he did, as he would have had headaches and light sensitivity from his virus. My singing to him must have been painful (and more so than my husband claims it hurts him)... It gives me comfort to know he's not in pain.
I don't really know whether I believe in psychics. I believe there are people who are exceptionally intuitive and people who have gifts and are enlightened... I've met with psychics before, and now of course I wonder if they knew all along because nothing they said ever came true... So either they were terrible psychics, or they were making shit up to hide my future from me. Either way, right?
But I have a friend who goes a few times a year to a psychic she trusts and has seen for a couple of years now. They talk about her trouble with men, and she tells my friend she should enjoy her life right now because her future husband is a couple of years away... But reminds her these things are subject to change based on how she faces life and the decisions she makes... My friend finds this exceptionally helpful in calming her down when she starts to get anxious... I guess reminding her that this stuff is "in the cards" for her... It's almost like having a life coach or something... I don't know that I believe you can communicate with "the other side", a la Rita May Brown...
But I do like the idea of a glimpse into the happy life we will have with out children "on the other side" one day. So, why don't I call? Because I'm extremely anxious that the psychic will tell me we will never have more children. Because there's nothing worse that anyone could say to me right now other than those words... I've already heard, "your son has no brain function", I'm not ready to hear "you'll never have more babies".
So, I'm curious... Ever been tempted to call a psychic? Anyone have any "fortunes" to share, or misfortunes for that matter?
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