I like to smell good. I'm more of a fan of "clean" smells on myself rather than overly powerful florals or musks. I have 2 favourite perfumes, which I plan to smell like forever.
|Philosophy's Amazing Grace|
|LaCoste Pour Femme.|
I like to smell a certain way because I want people to remember "my smell" and associate it with me. I like that both of these scents are subtle and people don't generally smell them unless they're up close and then they always comment on my "smell".
I can still remember exactly how my high school boyfriend smelled (I picked out the cologne and regretted it as soon as we broke up and I realized my next boyfriend couldn't smell like that, too). I remember the smell of a guy who sat next to me in Grade 12 English class. He smelled of an XL Tim Horton's double-double coffee and cigarettes- somehow this was an intoxicating aroma. For the record, of all these people, Scott smells the best.
Well, the second best.
There is a strong smell I associated with Jack. It's strange in a way, for him to have developed his own smell since he was barely even here. But I remember smelling it right away- and knowing he was all mine. Kinda like how they say cats know when humans have handled kittens, they can tell just by the smell (by the way, is that even true? Or did my parents just tell me that so I didn't pick up stray kittens?).
It's difficult to described the scent other than to say it smells like baby. The aroma is strongest in the nursery where all of his things are encapsulated in 4 walls. It's almost like a combination of unused diapers, scent-free laundry detergent (I don't care what the label says, there's always a smell), Burt's Bees and consumer packaging. It smells of Jack- it smells of what his fresh newborn, fluffy head smelt of. It smells delicious.
Sometimes, when my longing for him is especially strong, I allow myself to go into his room and "breathe" him in. I lift the blue onesie he wore the day before he became ill, and press the collar to my nose and inhale him. For a moment, if I close my eyes, I can taste the smell. When my eyes open again, I search for the stains from the milk he drooled, stains which will always exist on this article of clothing. I try not to cry onto the onesie as I don't want to wash away the smell, it will always be one of my favourite possessions. By the way, if there's ever a fire, you will find me packing up his shit in the nursery- it's ALL coming with me.
Occasionally I'll get a smell of Jack in unexpected places. I smell him for only a second and then I can't find it again. We'll be in the car, windows down and I'll announce I can smell him. It's not just me, Scott has confirmed it- "smells like Jack"
I feel like this is a way for me to know we are right where we're supposed to be. Getting rewarded with a little sniff of him when we're on the right track. It's one of the things I want to hold onto forever as I find it incredibly comforting to know just what he smelled like. Just as I'll always remember how my mother smelled to me as a child, I hope to always know what Jack smelled like.
I made him, and he smelled so good.
Do you have smells you associate with your child? What are they? Do they bring back vivid memories for you, too?