Monday, October 24, 2011

Insensitive Assholes

Remember her?

She had her baby. And she gave it the middle name Jaxen. WTF, right?

I thought we had discussed this, and I thought we had agreed, she wasn't going to do it? And I get that it's a middle name, but are you kidding me? What's WRONG with her?

Specifically, I remember her writing me this:

"Laura, I am SO sorry. The name is off the table. Thank you for being honest. There was a part of me that knew it was a horrible idea. I guess -the more we watched the stupid tv show... the more we liked it (and the character). Hope I didn't break your heart."

Hey lady- fuck you!

Wanna know the worst part? I kinda knew she would do this from the moment she told me she wouldn't. Because that's kinda just the kinda of insensitive asshole she is.

And the creepy part? She has posted photos on Facebook, which are eerily similar to two of the photos from my header- the one of Jack on my chest (which I assume most momma's have, but it's the expression on her face which "gets" me), and the other of her kid, in a sleeper, wearing the bear hat, in a car seat.

Part of me wants a knock 'em down, drag 'em out, full-fledge fucking cat fight where I call her out for being a shitty human being and she feels shame about it. But she probably won't feel shame, because she's a horrible person.

But the other part? The other part knows I'm the better person, and wants to just delete her from my life, ignore her calls, and pretend she never existed. But then I feel like she wins a little. I feel like she'll always be able to play dumb and pretend she doesn't know what went wrong in our friendship... Or that worse yet, she'll think I'm jealous of her and her newborn baby boy.

But mostly? Mostly I can't figure out why she'd want to replicate my dead baby in her photos, or even in name, even after I asked her not to... After I warned her I couldn't be her friend anymore.

What would you do?


Anonymous said...

As a rule I avoid all confrontation...but this...BUT THIS!!! This is too much, and she is disgusting. I would let her know exactly how she has offended you...sing it on Facebook for all to hear...and then I would delete her ass and then block her as well.

But I am in a bad mood maybe don't take my advice???

B. Wilson said...

You're way hotter than her.

Screw her and her good fortune. Every single time something great happens to someone of such scumbag material, I am reminded that the world is not just and people are not given as they deserve. Otherwise our babies would be alive.

Drop her.

hughesfamily said...

I am so sorry. I have no right to give any advice at all. :(

She is such a bitch. Like, she isn't even a real person. I told my sister about the first story actually (I PROMISE I am not a stalker- you are just really easy to like!), and she just mentioned something the other day about how bitchy it was that your friend even mentioned it. I don't even know you (except I feel like I kinda do), and this has bothered me...this person is NOT a real human being. So, part of me wants to think I would just ignore her mainly for my own anger and feelings. BUT...I would still think about it . So, I agree with the first comment: BLAST it on Facebook! Even put the email message she sent you. Then, DEFINITELY delete her, because the pain won't stop, I am sure. I know it is so middle school, but, it really might feel good.

I really have no right to give advice at all, though. I just feel like you need closure. Blocking her is definitely good, but something else needs to happen first, right? Like a definite closure where you can get out some anger and hurt. Really, the hurt is probably the worst part, I would imagine. HOW COULD anyone do this, especially a friend? It is just terrible. I am so sorry.

Dana said...

Wow, I remember her well. I was telling my husband about what has happened now and he remembers the whole name discussion with her too.

She just seems like a waste of time. I don't understand how she could do this. It is bad that she has used that name, but then the replicate the phots.

I don't know, I am passive aggressive and would just delete her from facebook and not return calls/emails. I think she will have a clue why. I would also be tempted to send her a note first though, just saying that you thought she wouldn't be using that name and it has hurt you a lot that she has. Or maybe just write the letter and don't send it.

Sorry this is happening. She sounds toxic.

LookItsJessica said...

Jeez. She seems like an insane freak. I don't know what I would do if I were you. I think I would probably just tell her how creepy and insensitive she is and then never speak to her again/block her on fbook.

I'm really sorry you have to even deal with this passive aggressive antagonistic bitch.

Katie said...

Ugh...I can't even begin to imagine what you are feeling. For sure, cut her out. She doesn't deserve to be in your life at all.

I'm sorry for the pain she is causing. I love your blog and your honesty and reading about your son, your beautiful family.

SG said...

Send her a link to this page so she can see what a terrible bitch we all think she is! Then drop her.

Becky said...

Delete from friends list and possibly friendship altogether. What a bitch! I'm sorry Laura. That was really cruel of her:(

Caroline said...

ughhh. Hated her then, hate her still. I had a horribly shitty ex-friend like this in my life. I deleted her as a friend on facebook (whoa, ballsy move Caroline - that'll show her.) but whatever, it actually did make me feel a little better. But no matter what I do or what I say, I don't think she'd ever feel as horrible as I'd want her to - if she did, she wouldn't be that horrible of a person. but she is.

So now - I do ignore her - if she could ignore the enormous pain I endured, I can ignore her and her living baby she doesn't deserve.

I think it's a lose-lose. No matter what she does, you will feel horrible. Because your baby is dead, hers is not, and she is an insensitive asshole. So if you are going to be upset no matter what, ignore her as much as you can. Even if that means that she can be ignorant. At least she can be ignorant outside or your life.

Oh and I really dig SG's suggestion :)

Renel said...

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! You know these are the kind of people that I think sit around hoping for bad things to happen to others and then revel in it when something bad DOES happen. For here to blatantly flaunt her alive baby in similar poses to yours and not only that but to do it with a baby who has your baby's middle name??? SERIOUSLY? I don't even have adequate words for how pissed I am for you. I would unfriend her SO quick but not before I told her to go straight to hell and tell her exactly what a bitch she was...can you tell I have been angry lately? I am sorry you have to deal with that. UNFRIEND!

Renel said...

I meant your baby's name as a middle name...

Amy said...

I mostly read and don't comment, but I had to comment on this. This evil bitch WANTS a reaction from you, even a negative one. She thrives on attention, even negative attention, or she wouldn't have told you the middle name. She knows she told you she wouldn't use it.

Don't give her any satisfaction Laura. Just cut her out without a word. She doesn't deserve your energy.

So sorry she put you through this again. What is wrong with people??

Natasha said...

Laura people are so horrible. I hate people {and I know you feel me on that one} and they always prove time and and again how right I am for feeling that way.

I totally remember this girl from your first story and I'm totally not surprised she continued to be such an ass. People like that don't change. That's why I have ex-friends that I no longer talk to.

I've learned that ignoring {although it may seem like they are winning} is really the best way to go because it tears that person {in this case crazy stalker idiot} up inside to NOT know what you are thinking/feeling and if they are getting to you. They will be desperately trying to figure out how you can go all that time without a word to them when they want to know soooooo badly what you are doing.

I'm so sorry for what she's done. I'm so sorry she's copying you and Jack's beautiful pictures. I hate people.

Tiffany said...

wow. :(

well no doubt, i would remove her from my life. she is obviously not a friend. so in my opinion there is no reason to keep her around.

she doesn't "win." she acutally loses an amazing person as a friend. and i'm so sorry she did that to you. that is a terrible kind of betrayal. my heart hurts that she did that. ((hugs))

Amy Lagerquist said...

Wow. Is it just me, or is she showing sociopathic tendencies?

I read both this post and the original one. Oh my God. I would absolutely cut her from my life if I were in your shoes, and I woudln't feel badly about it, either. It's very clear she doesn't have your best interests in mind, and to me, that's a #1 requirement in a friend.

I'm sorry you had to experience that. How horrid.

Kelly said...

Wow. Just wow. What the frick was even the point of her asking if she was just going to ignore your wishes? Hate that.

I don't like confronting people. Even when it comes to things about Adam, I don't say much. I would probably just cut her out and not even say anything. Like you said, she's a horrible person, and she'll probably not even know why you're gone. Not worth your time to even say anything. She ignored you and obviously doesn't give a shit about this sensitive manner. I'm sorry you're dealing with this!

Addi's mom said...

Hated her from your first post and she proved herself once again with this one. What a bitch. You know the best way you could get back at her email on here, you have a lot of friends who would tell her all the things you want to :) I'm just saying, we got your back!

Denise said...

Obviously she has severe issues. She needs serious help. Personally, I would take your husband's advice and cut her out of her life and block her from facebook. I know people like that and I can promise it will only get worse :(

Laura Beck said...

I have a friend like this.
and it has been one stressful friendship.
and I have cut her out of my life since my baby died. but she's one of those that just loves to play head games, she thinks that she "gets it" but she doesn't get much at all or else she wouldn't do these wildly insensitive and uncomfortable things.

In my opinion. Say it in front of other people.
People like her are the people who are obsessed with "image" and love to pull the victim card.
(which obviously you can take as a compliment that she admires you so much that she is taking your babies name and copying your pictures).
Saying it in front of other people makes it matter of fact, they heard it too and they say how you reacted, you are not jealous of her baby, you just got a little creeped by her insensitivity to your feelings.
I know that it may seem outside of the friendship rulebook to air out problems like that in front of other people but she already went way outside that rulebook when she did what she did.

Your child died.
I know for me, his name is everything to me. I wish that in 6 years I could open up my window and yell his name out so the whole neighborhood could here me calling him home for dinner.
You and I, we will never have that.
and its up to your friends to be sympathetic to that.
So, yeah, I would get a group of your friends over and I would say something to her, keep it factual, short, sweet and unemotional as possible and then after that meeting never talk to her again.

I would even mention something like, "I was genuinely happy for you and then you named your baby Jaxson after you said that you wouldn't and I can't help but feel like you almost want me to be hurt or even jealous over your baby or else you wouldn't have done that. We addressed my feelings before hand, you said it was off the table, now its not. and you couldn't even warn me? Now I have just accept that you don't take the loss of my child to heart? To you its just a name? Well its more then just a a name to me and I thought as a friend that you would understand that. All I have is that name and if you don't care about that then I question how much you care about me."
There will be no question in anyones mind, including hers, as to why you cut her out of your life then.

Phew, this got me all sorts of fired up, I can't imagine how you are feeling.
I feel very protective over my son, and he is not here to protect anymore. It's that protective feeling, all you wanted to do was protect your feelings and what meant so much to you. I'm sorry that she didn't take you seriously.


Kristin said...

WTF?! That is so messed up. I'd definitely cut ties. So sorry you have to deal with this bitch! said...

People can be so horrible and insensitive... she should never have done what she did and it's extremely odd that she's used those photos too ! You should not have to endure this from someone else and have every right to ignore her... or tell her exactly what you think and how hurtful she's been. It will come back to her in karma either way. Love to you always xoxo

e photography said...

you rock! i just started following you but you tell it like it is and i love that! can't wait to read more!!!!!

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