I'm thankful very day for second chances, for another opportunity to be a mother. I'm thankful to Jack for sending this baby to me, and I'm appreciative of my husband for making another baby with me. I have to admit, I wasn't a lot of fun while we were ttc. It was all temperature shifts and timed sex and "we have to do it tonight even though you're drunk" (keeping it real people). Sexy, huh? I'm just so glad the Clomid worked, and we conceived again.
Slowly people at work are starting to ask me if I'm pregnant, and I'm overjoyed to be able to say yes. Now that I've cleared the first trimester, I can breathe a little bit more. In no way, shape or form am I in the clear, but I'm on the road to getting where I need to be to make something of my life and his life, too. It's hard to have this blind faith in hoping for the best, while simultaneously grieving this boy of mine.
I'm looking forward to feeling movement on a regular basis, I love that part of pregnancy. The big ol' belly, the moving, squirming baby, these things make me happy. It's worth every second of vomiting. And then some.
Another 4 weeks and we'll be doing our anatomy scan. I need this date to pass, I need to know this baby is okay and that he or she may really be coming home with us.
I'm trying to remain as calm as possible these days. I don't want any additional stress, I don't want to think too much about what the next few months will be like. I take it hour by hour, day by day, and week by week. I'm hoping the hustle and bustle of the holiday season will keep time passing me by, even though it brings me closer to a year without Jack. To his first birthday which won't be anything like we had hoped one short year ago.
We're heading to Michigan this coming weekend to celebrate American Thanksgiving with my brother who attends university there and to enjoy our first turducken. I'm going outlet shopping and Target- am hoping to find some maternity clothes (including a coat) to get me through the winter.
|Recipe for success?|
I saw previews for the movie New Year's Eve when I went to watch Breaking Dawn (squeeeeeeeeeeal), and I got a little misty-eyed. There are the regular people who are looking for someone to kiss, the perfect dress for the occasion, etc. But then there's Jessica Beil's character, who happens to be in labour on NYE, which struck a little close to home, because that was me last NYE... Bah, something tells me their story will end differently than ours did. Makes me sad though, it was such a great time to be pregnant, and such a great time for Jack to be born. The perfect day, the perfect month, the perfect birth date. And now it's a memory. A bitter-sweet one. It was the beginning of the end.
Breathe Laura, just breathe.