Sunday, April 8, 2012

The Million Dollar Family

I accidentally hit "publish" this morning while working on my mom's HP equivalent of the iPad. I was having a hell of a time typing on that thing and the auto correct and grammatical errors were getting to be too much for even me (and I'm pretty relaxed on this here blog). Anyway, here's my post in it's entirety...

I am pregnant "out to here" and so I'm getting a of "must being day now", "you're fit to burst" comments. I don't reply mind because I do look overtly pregnant and I feel fit to pop at any minute. About a week a go I was in the elevator bank at work when a nice girl asked whether this was my first ("no"), whether we knew the gender (yes, girl) and whether my first was a girl or boy (a gorgeous lovely, perfect little man).

"You have yourself a million dollar family!", she exclaimed, clearly thrilled for me. I didn't have the heart to tell her we should have one, but yet we don't. Instead, I replied, "something like that!" and smiled. It felt so forced- it's not her fault because I have said the exact same thing to people without giving it a second thought. And it is a wonderful thing that we will soon be parents to both a hunk of a little man as well as a lovely little lady in just a few short weeks, I just wish I could have them both in my arms, you know? Like I won the lottery, but have been taxed a child.

This week has been full of up and downs. Baby Gracie is just fine, perfect even. She remains hopeless devoted to her daddy and he to her. And I to them both. I had a doctors appointment earlier this week as I tested borderline for Gestational Diabetes. I haven't been testing out of "normal" blood sugar ranges, even after eating a ton of carbohydrates, so I haven't been particularly anxious about the appointment. It wasn't until I had run through the list of risk factors with the doctor and he mentioned pregnancies in quick succession that I kinda thought, huh well... The doctor mentioned this as a factor,
the referenced his notes and  said perhaps having two babies in 18 months could have contributed. So the next logical question for him to ask was how old my first was, and so I began down the road of explanation... After I told him Jack had died he asked whether he would tell me how and when. So I told him. I wasn't prepared for his response, which was two fold;

"You know Bacterial Meningitis is incredibly rare right?". YUP, I DO!

Which was quickly followed with; "You know, you really are lucky your son died as a baby, and not as a child. In my faith (he was Jewish), babies don't have souls". He went on to explain about how much harder it would be to lose a thirteen year old version of your child, rather than a baby you never really knew. I just stared at him. When I managed to pick my jaw up off the floor, I told him that a mother very much knows her baby, no matter how long she has with him or her. I also let him know we mothers start setting a place at the table for our babies, as soon as we know we are pregnant. I told him it wasn't helpful, that what he said didn't make me feel better. The guy was kind of just a weirdo, and so when I burst into tears in frustration, he kinda became awkward and excused himself only to return with a small box of sandpaper tissues to dry my tears with. When I thanked him for the tissues, he assured me it was "no problem, I'm sensitive to these things".

Anyway, so that clearly left me startled and I called Scott crying. Um, it's never a good idea for a BLM to call a BLD crying after a doctor's appointment, and Scott was immediately concerned as to why his pregnant wife was choking on her tears too much to talk. When I told him, he just laughed and confirmed the guy was an idiot with no bedside manner. The fact this guy spoke to me about his religion in the context of a diabetes clinic seemed more than a little offside, and even now as I sit back and reflect on it, I wish I had chosen my words more harshly... I know I can call and complain to the medical board here in Ontario, but honestly, I have to see this guy only twice more and I am rid of him. I just want it over, you know?


In better news, things on the home front are well under way. It's actually why I didn't post last week as I usually would have- we spent the entire weekend sanding/priming/painting and de-cluttering to get our house ready to hit the market last Tuesday. I'm delighted to say we managed it, despite having very sore muscles to show for it. The house looks great, we've already had thirty private viewing appointments and 60 "groups" walked through our home at our two open houses held this weekend. Our realtor is delighted, and we have one registered offer so far, and hope there are more to come tomorrow. We shall see, all we need is one, right? :)

Speaking of which, I want to show how adorable Jack's nursery looks now that it's sorted and purged (don't kid yourself, I am not this organized. I have 1000 things packed up in storage! This room will be re-filled with baby stuff as soon as the sold sign hits the front lawn!). Some of Gracie's things have migrated into the room as well, which is entirely bitter-sweet.

Why yes, that is the wall which took us no fewer than 4 hours to tape and paint. That sure is the UppaBaby stroller folded under the crib, the giraffe-print chair set I bought for Jack's siblings last spring, a couple pillows I picked to coordinate with other baby gear things I possess.
I also have the following photo to show you since I have owed you a shot of the bathroom I demolished and rebuilt last spring when my rage was at an all-time high and I need to demonstrate it physically. True story- that Dwell fabric shower curtain was custom-ordered on Etsy and took nearly three months to arrive on my doorstep. I gotta say though, it's pretty perfect and it'll be coming with us when we move and making its way into Grace's bathroom. :)

Ta Da!
In work news, I have two days of work left before I start my leave. I'm looking forward to putting my feet up and relaxing once we can put this housing stuff behind us.  I have to say though, this house buying and selling thing has been an excellent distraction for the past couple of weeks. We're now just over four (4!!!) weeks from her arrival and I'm feeling a strong urge to nest. I've already done her baby laundry, but am contemplating washing it again since I think I might have done it too soon and really what else do I have to do over the next couple of weeks? Still a few more things to do to prepare for baby, but I can quickly accomplish those next week when I have nothing but time on my hands.

I'll keep you updated re: the house. Wish us luck!!


Mama Bear said...

Any comment that comes after, "you know you really are lucky your son died..." cannot possibly be appropriate. What this person said would be horrible and cruel if said by a random stranger, but the fact that it was a professional giving you medical care makes is so ridiculously out of line. If you have the energy, I would definitely report him. If you don't have the energy, totally understandable and taking care of yourself and your babies is the most important thing. I am impressed that you were able to think in the moment and tell him right away just how wrong he is.
I'm glad Grace looks good! :)

little vitu's mom said...

It was stupid a professional talking about faith and everything. Someone should really ask him to shut up.
Coming to what he actually said - one line I heard from everyone constantly, to such an extent, that I almost went mad was them saying 'people lose their grown up children all the time. Yours was just a baby', by which they meant to say its easy to 'let go' since there are no million memories. I really don't know how people expect a mother to let go off her little baby who died before her.

Addi's mom said...

I have gotten that comment about how I have the "perfect family" and I too didn't have the heart to tell the person our sad sad truth. Ugh.

That doctor was a complete ass hat. As if he would think that would "help" you...I hate some people. Good for you for saying something!

Love the nursery, I know how hard it is to add the sibling stuff into their rooms. Bittersweet only begins to describe it.

Glad things are going well on the housing front.

Tiffany said...

OMG reading what that doc said to you made me SO mad. why why why do people think it's helpful to say things like that????

i can't believe she'll be here so soon. can't wait to see her gorgeous pic.

Jack's nursery is gorgeous. i thought it was a pic from a site like pottery barn or houzz.

thinking of you and praying for an uneventful remainder of your pregnancy and birth. so glad you get to start your leave soon.

Anonymous said...

Your DH's comment about the Dr. being an idiot, I actually replaced the word with asshole as I was reading lol.

Hope you have a wonderful bidding war on the house! Good luck for an easy sale.

It's exciting that you are so very close and that she is almost here! My goodness, I remember when you found out you were pregnant, you had quite the squinter... and NOW!! OMG now she is almost here. It just feels like it went so quickly :)

Here is hoping that the next four weeks fly by and that she is here and in your arms before you know it.

Tiffany said...

wow you have a lot on your plate right now! I love the nursery!!
I know I already said it, but should there be an ass-kicking party for that doctor- please send me an invitation- I would LOVE to be there!

Becky said...

Wow, that Dr. sucks:(

The nursery is absolutely beautiful!

Kim said...

OMG - I want to throttle that man! :( I'm sorry he was so inconsiderate (that's not even close to what I want to call him!) I can't wait to hear that your little girl is here - so exciting that it's so close now!

LookItsJessica said...

Oh my holy shit. My jaw literally dropped when I read what that guy said to you. I'm furious that he said that to you and that you had to deal with such ignorance EVER-- let alone at such a scary time in your life (pregnancy after loss, I mean).

Also-- I too thought that Jack's nursery was a photo from Pottery Barn! Also the bathroom looks fab. I hope you enjoy your time on leave before Gracie arrives and are able to have some nice, reflective down-time before it's babytime. For me, I have been forcing myself to stay busy but I imagine if I'd been working for the past 9 months I'd be thrilled for a nice long break. You're so close and I'm so excited for you!

SG said...

I second the other comments - that doctor needs to have his head surgically removed from his ass. And you are an amazing decorator/renovator! Wow. Glad all is well with Gracie :)

DandelionBreeze... aka NYMum said...

I'm so sorry that you had to bear those comments... so hard when not only do others not understand, but they are hurtful in their comments. I'm so sorry that I'm behind on commenting... sounds like a lot has been happening for you... congratulations on your little one and wonderful to hear that she's doing so well :)) Love your decorating... beautiful. I'm public again, so will be easier to find/follow now. Thinking of you xoxo

Kelly said...

Somehow I missed this post. :(

I'm sorry that doctor said that. I'm glad you said something. I probably would have sat there, nodding and smiling, leaving pissed, and then crying later.

Your house looks great! I hope you're getting some rest now that you're off work. We are so close momma! I can't wait to "meet" Grace. <3

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