The snow is melting around us and warmer weather is apparently on the way. I keep hearing that, but every time I try to run errands without a coat I curse the weather man. He's a liar ;).
It is nearly April and this means it is nearly May and nearly a certain someone's first birthday. I can hardly believe it. It really doesn't seem like it was all that long ago I first peed on a stick, then saw her little self on ultrasound at just a few weeks gestation. I'm not all that removed from that drive home where I spoke aloud to her in my womb begging her to please come home with us and stay. Begging that she would help to make me whole again.
Here we are, nearly a year after she arrived. It's insane. I was recounting to my mother the other day that I can hardly believe we've had her for so long. In those early days I used to beg for the first six months to pass because I feared I would lose her in infancy, too. Somehow six months seemed "safe", even though I know there's really never anytime that I believe I'll ever be "safe" again.
Sometimes when I awake in the early in the morning, my mind still foggy, I ask myself whether I have a son or a daughter. How f'd up is that? I guess it's a sleep-thing, but yet I find I'm asking myself this same question. Ugh.
Grace is finally (at nearly 11 months!!!) getting her first tooth. It's sharp and pointy and on the bottom left side of her mouth. I first discovered it whilst nursing her and thus we are going full-steam ahead with the weaning process. I've been pretty laisse-faire about it and was going to just let her wean herself, but with my return to work taking place in just about six weeks (!!!!) time is more of the essence than ever. I could pump for her, but she's really only nursing about once per side per day so it doesn't seem worthwhile at this point... I will say, I'm really at a loss for how else to comfort her once nursing is off the table- it really has been so useful ;)
I have a few things I've left in "draft" in the ole blog for a while, but so much has changed since I've written those words, some of my "resolutions" have been completed or I've chosen to go in another direction all together. I'm including them anyways because I still think
1) Gain 25lbs. Well, first I want to lose ten, but only to regain those pounds in the near future because I want another one of these McCannells. BADLY. I have baby-fever (the only acceptable fever to have as far as I'm concerned), and I also desperately want to hoard babies. You know how you can spend forever looking for the perfect pair of jeans and you finally find them and WHAMMO, they're on sale. If you're anything like me, you instantly start justifying buying 5 pairs so you never have to live another day without them ever again. Put some away for a rainy day, because nothing makes you feel better than a good pair of jeans?
Yeah, I'm like that, but with my children. I think Scott and I have agreed on having another two at this point. I'd like to have so many, but I know I'd be chasing my desire to get my boy and of course he can never be mine again so at some point we have to stop, right? And yet the mere thought of the next baby being our last is too much for me to even contemplate so I'm glad we're at least agreeable to another two.
It sounds cavalier to write all that, but the truth is I'm absolutely terrified to risk it all again.. And yet the desire still outweighs my fears, not sure when that happened, but it's there. I'm hoping I can avoid Clomid this time around, but who knows what is going to happen (or not, as the case may be).
2) Start (and finish?) decorating Grace's bedroom. Because we've lived here nine months and there is nary a drip of paint or a curtain hung in here. I did make some headway here recently and purchased the paint for her nursery (and the trim throughout the house... and the dining room which was inspired by the colour Young House Love just re-painted their kitchen...) So yeah, I need to get on that. I have big plans for Grace's room, and it's inspired by this:
The actual decor stuff you've seen in my prior post about selling our house- the furniture stays the same. Up until this point, Grace has been sleeping in our room. She's been in the crib at the end of our bed, and also co-sleeping far more than I would like. I know I need to move her to her own room so we all sleep well, but I've refused to do this until her room is painted, decorated, and basically fit for her consumption. The husband thinks I'll regret moving her. Me thinks I'll regret not moving her if I don't start getting more sleep- especially when I begin my HOUR plus commute in six weeks. Ugh.
3) Make my house beautimous. In the words of Honey Boo Boo, I want to take a dolla and make it holla... WHAT? I want to make my house a pretty, comfortable, lovely home. I have big
4) Get organized. Because we have lots of storage room in our new house, I end up jamming things into cupboards and forgetting about it. I need to get organized. And my closet? It's shameful-especially since Pinterest tells me how cheap (!) and easy (!) and better (!) it can be! How embarrassing.
5) Eat up the last
There, four months into the new year and I have my resolutions listed. And I've now hit publish on my post for the month...