Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Putting it out there

It's nearly February which means it's time to post my new years resolutions... Oh wait. It's now late March and I'm the worst blogger ever. It's official. :)

The snow is melting around us and warmer weather is apparently on the way. I keep hearing that, but every time I try to run errands without a coat I curse the weather man. He's a liar ;).

It is nearly April and this means it is nearly May and nearly a certain someone's first birthday. I can hardly believe it. It really doesn't seem like it was all that long ago I first peed on a stick, then saw her little self on ultrasound at just a few weeks gestation. I'm not all that removed from that drive home where I spoke aloud to her in my womb begging her to please come home with us and stay. Begging that she would help to make me whole again.

Here we are, nearly a year after she arrived. It's insane. I was recounting to my mother the other day that I can hardly believe we've had her for so long. In those early days I used to beg for the first six months to pass because I feared I would lose her in infancy, too. Somehow six months seemed "safe", even though I know there's really never anytime that I believe I'll ever be "safe" again.

Sometimes when I awake in the early in the morning, my mind still foggy, I ask myself whether I have a son or a daughter. How f'd up is that? I guess it's a sleep-thing, but yet I find I'm asking myself this same question. Ugh.

Grace is finally (at nearly 11 months!!!) getting her first tooth. It's sharp and pointy and on the bottom left side of her mouth. I first discovered it whilst nursing her and thus we are going full-steam ahead with the weaning process. I've been pretty laisse-faire about it and was going to just let her wean herself, but with my return to work taking place in just about six weeks (!!!!) time is more of the essence than ever. I could pump for her, but she's really only nursing about once per side per day so it doesn't seem worthwhile at this point... I will say, I'm really at a loss for how else to comfort her once nursing is off the table- it really has been so useful ;)

I have a few things I've left in "draft" in the ole blog for a while, but so much has changed since I've written those words, some of my "resolutions" have been completed or I've chosen to go in another direction all together. I'm including them anyways because I still think I'm hilarious it's relevant.

1) Gain 25lbs. Well, first I want to lose ten, but only to regain those pounds in the near future because I want another one of these McCannells. BADLY. I have baby-fever (the only acceptable fever to have as far as I'm concerned), and I also desperately want to hoard babies. You know how you can spend forever looking for the perfect pair of jeans and you finally find them and WHAMMO, they're on sale. If you're anything like me,  you instantly start justifying buying 5 pairs so you never have to live another day without them ever again. Put some away for a rainy day, because nothing makes you feel better than a good pair of jeans?

Yeah, I'm like that, but with my children.  I think Scott and I have agreed on having another two at this point. I'd like to have so many, but I know I'd be chasing my desire to get my boy and of course he can never be mine again so at some point we have to stop, right? And yet the mere thought of the next baby being our last is too much for me to even contemplate so I'm glad we're at least agreeable to another two.

It sounds cavalier to write all that, but the truth is I'm absolutely terrified to risk it all again.. And yet the desire still outweighs my fears, not sure when that happened, but it's there. I'm hoping I can avoid Clomid this time around, but who knows what is going to happen (or not, as the case may be).

2) Start (and finish?) decorating Grace's bedroom. Because we've lived here nine months and there is nary a drip of paint or a curtain hung in here. I did make some headway here recently and purchased the paint for her nursery (and the trim throughout the house... and the dining room which was inspired by the colour Young House Love just re-painted their kitchen...) So yeah, I need to get on that. I have big plans for Grace's room, and it's inspired by this:


Source: sarahrichardsondesign.com via LJ on PInterest




                                                                Source: somedaycrafts.blogspot.com via LJ on Pinterest


The actual decor stuff you've seen in my prior post about selling our house- the furniture stays the same. Up until this point, Grace has been sleeping in our room. She's been in the crib at the end of our bed, and also co-sleeping far more than I would like. I know I need to move her to her own room so we all sleep well, but I've refused to do this until her room is painted, decorated, and basically fit for her consumption. The husband thinks I'll regret moving her. Me thinks I'll regret not moving her if I don't start getting more sleep- especially when I begin my HOUR plus commute in six weeks. Ugh.

3) Make my house beautimous. In the words of Honey Boo Boo, I want to take a dolla and make it holla... WHAT? I want to make my house a pretty, comfortable, lovely home. I have big expensive plans for decorating, and now I just need to start making them happen. Slowly, slowly, slowly we'll get there. I started this resolution by buying wallpaper for the powder room. It's black and dramatic and terrifying, but it's all about baby-steps. I'd like a backsplash in the kitchen and some new countertops too. We'll see how far we get. Feel free to check out my Pinterest board (linky above) to see what I'm scheming.

4) Get organized. Because we have lots of storage room in our new house, I end up jamming things into cupboards and forgetting about it. I need to get organized. And my closet? It's shameful-especially since Pinterest tells me how cheap (!) and easy (!) and better (!) it can be! How embarrassing.

5) Eat up the last three months  weeks of maternity leave with Grace. These past 9.75 10.99 months have flown by.

There, four months into the new year and I have my resolutions listed. And I've now hit publish on my post for the month...

Random... ha.


15 comments:

Caroline said...

Atta girl. You get crackin.

And can I just say that while I totally empathize with how hard it will be to go back to work it just reminds me how BA Canada maternity leave is. Get your shit together, America!

B. Wilson @ Windy {City} Wilsons said...

You mean spend the last few weeks of maternity leave talking to your BLM bestie on g-chat while watching our crazies run circles around us crawling stairs and such? Perfect.

I am thrilled about your designing and organizing and all that. I especially love seeing projects come together when I don't have to do the work. ;) But really, your house is so gorgeous and a perfect canvas for whatever you want to do. Now get that awesome wallpaper up in the powder room! Hah.

Good stuff, my friend. I love it all. Espeshhhhh the part where you will hoard babies and all that. Get busy on that!

Dana said...

Wow, how is she almost one? I remember waiting for her to be born like it was yesterday. I'm hoping that Emily doesn't get any teeth for awhile yet, I'm enjoying her painless nursing sessions. I'm looking forward to seeing Grace's room. I have a bunch of things that I want o do around the house before going back to work and thought I would have so much time to do it (mostly sorting through boxes from when we moved that have been in the basement ever since). Well, I've done nothing, it's.so hard to find the time (and the motivation!)

Hoping For Hunter said...

Love this, even if it IS late. My mat leave with Adrianna is down to 9 short weeks left, and I have to figure out a weaning schedule too. Except that she refuses any other format of drinking, so that makes it a little difficult. :)

Can we see a couple pics of your gorgeous girl? I'd love to see her!

I'm sort of dreading my return to work. Looking forward to the adult conversation and using my brain that way, but I'm going to miss my little girl so much! <3 We'll get through it together!

Hoping For Hunter said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Pieces of Me said...

My rainbow baby is 3 months old and I still feel like we're on borrowed time. Like she isn't ours to keep. That she'll be taken too. I don't know if that feeling ever goes away.

I'm happy to hear Grace is well and that you are courageous enough to journey down the pregnancy path again. Best of luck to you!

Natasha said...

Hey at least you got them down! Lmao at "take a dolla and make it holla". Bahahaha! I'm working on my house too. It's been a long time since I've felt the strong desire to decorate and make the house more than what it is so I'm trying to run with it. I know Gracie's room will be fabulous when you are done- love her chandelier!

Also I have to agree with Caroline- get it together with the maternity leave USA!!!

Brooke said...

Zuzu and Gracie might be on similar tooth + hair schedules, because Z just turned 9 months old and we have no sign of teeth! I totally understand wanting to wean, but if you're stressing about the timeline, could you keep nursing for a while after going back to work? Without having to pump I mean? No idea if it would work for you all, or if the biting is more of the issue. I just wondered if that deadline had to be final (if the deadline was stressing you out--deadlines stress me out). As for pinterest and decorating... I'm right there with you with the new house. Or will be in a month, fingers crossed.

I'm excited that you're ready to try for another sweet baby. And I also know just want you mean about borrowed time and crazy fears.

Renel said...

Hoarding babies. Ugh me too. I was just talking to Daryl about you and Scott last week wanting to have 2 more. I'd like another or 10 but its not feasible or practical. I think Daryl wants to cut his losses and be done. I feel like I could never have enough but wonder about my sanity. Your house is awesome, returning to work is overwhelming and it sucks. I hope the transition goes okay. I don't even know what you do for work. Hugs.

Just Beachy said...

Laura Jane,
to answer your question about how to get over the fear of the nail gun...I was literally shaking the first time I used mine , now I am so comfortable. I would be happy to show you if you like...come on out to Oshawa and I will show you .
Ps , I am so sorry you lost your son ,no one should have to endure that pain,my brother and his wife had two still born daughters one year apart ,unbearable pain.
Def take me up on my offer ,
Chris

little vitu's mom said...

Waiting to see the pix of the birthday girl!

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JoyAndSorrow said...

Glad I'm not the only one who takes forever to put together a room! William is now 5 months old and only now has a nursery.

Jessica Stamey said...

I've been reading your stories since the beginning & I wanted to let you know you're a wonderful person. I'm so sorry you lost sweet Jack, he is so gorgeous. I didn't want you to think I was a stalker (I promise I'm not!) but I started following you on Pinterest & Instagram. I hope that doesn't bother you I've just really enjoyed reading about you & I feel like I know you! My name is Jessica Holland Stamey if you would like to follow me on anything. I have 2 children Emma & Rocky. I've been married for 7 years to Matthew. We live in North Carolina

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