Saturday, November 16, 2013

If not now, when?

I'll just come out and say it: I'm twenty-five weeks pregnant with Jack and Grace's youngest sibling.

It's a girl. We're going to call her Piper. We think.

I'm both elated at the thought of a sister for Grace and the thought Jack would send us a second girl to torment his dad for the rest of our lives... Tied into that is the thought that this might be out last pregnancy and I may very well be kissing the thought of another boy goodbye.

That's the hard part, the not knowing. The desire to continue to purchase boy things has never left me- Jack's wardrobe, let behind when he passed away, has continued to grow despite my best efforts. I love girl clothes because they're so cute and sweet... But I adore boy clothes because they're bears and monkeys and frogs and all the things I spent 9 months falling in love with when we were expecting Jack.

I am thrilled to have conceived this baby with relative ease, without the use of Clomid this time. I'm hopeful that we'll get the chance to provide Grace with a living sibling. I'm not sure she's going to see it that same way (she is possessive and jealous, so we will see!!!).

This pregnant has been easier, at least psychologically. I think it's the combination of being kept preoccupied by Grace and the idea I have longer working days now that I'm commuting each work day. I don't have as much time to lay there,  I have fewer quiet moments where my mind will wander.

Of course I will always worry that this one won't make it either. It's only natural, I assume, to forever worry now that I know babies don't always live, no matter how much you want them to. No matter what you would trade to ensure that it was so.

I'm hoping the next few months pass quickly, and mid-February arrives with a healthy and living baby.

Jack's going to have two little sisters. I wish he were here to welcome Piper to our family, too.


18 comments:

Amy L. said...

Crying happy tears for you! I love the name Piper. <3

Caroline said...

I wish he were too.

xo

Melissa said...

Loving Jack, Grace and Piper.

Addi's mom said...

So nice to see your blog back in my feed. I miss the way we all used to use this place. I know I'm guilty too.

I love thinking about Jack and his two little sisters, I hate the fact he isn't here to threaten the boys who will want to talk to them.

Not knowing if there will be another boy is such torture. Unlike you I steer clear of the girls side completely. I used to buy for the future, I haven't bought one single girl item since Addi died. I've come close twice when something from across the way caught my eye, but I'm too afraid to hope that much. The unknown, the grief, the missing. I hate it.

I'm so happy Grace has a little sister on the way. My sister is my bestest friend, but damn I know it's never going to be that life you dreamed of. Xoxo

Kim said...

Congratulations! I'm crying for you too (happy tears along with some bittersweet tears). So happy that Jack sent you another girl, and hoping that another boy will join your family too.

My New Normal said...

Congratulations.

Mary Thompson said...

Aww, congratulations!

Veronica said...

Congratulations. Good for you guys. I'm happy for you, and like Keleen., happy to see your blog on my feed. I miss the writing and ramblings of so many of the blms I used to follow. But I understand everything has its time, and sometimes things come to an end naturally. If you write here again regularly, know I'm reading along. Hugs.

Love this little babe in the way. Live the name. Loving all 3 <3

Angela said...

Congratulations! I love the name Piper. We thought about using it for our sweet Ainsleigh.

Natasha said...

I wish he was here too. Love all your babies and I can't wait to meet Piper <3

Brooke said...

I'm so thrilled that Grace is going to have a little sister and you know how much I wish with you that Jack were here to meet her too. xoxo

Lia Larson said...

Congrats!!!

Darcey said...

Wishing he was here as well...Grace is going to be an amazing big sister can't wait to see Piper's beautiful face

TanaLee Davis said...

Wow this is amazing news! I'm glad you conceived without much trouble. I can understand the desire for the same gender as the one you've lost. I will also say it personally took a while and a rainbow of opposite gender to rekindle that desire. I hope the best for you and hope to see more updates. Missed you-
Felicia

B. Wilson @ Windy {City} Wilsons said...

You know just how excited I am for Piper to join your family and that Jack is giving his daddy a run for his money. Literally... two weddings! She'll be just as beautiful as Grace and I cannot wait to meet her.

With you in the trials and anxiety... with you.

Tiffany said...

my brave friend. loving you and Jack and Grace and Piper (and your charming man of course).

Party of Three Heads said...

So excited that Jack will be having another little sister... and love the name Piper. Great choice my friend! Thinking of you during these next few months!

leslie(cullensblessings) said...

Squeeeeee! (This is the sound I make when I am really excited!!). Just had to get that out there. Huge hugs mamma.. huge!

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